If you have not read Lanes, then I sugjest doing that first; it is your choice :) <3
I believe in guardrails as a helpful and useful tool to set healthy and fitting boundaries. They can establish baseline expectations on how to ideally interact among individuals. Therefore, I am once again only sugjesting some changes for you to consider in your lane. I’m not ordering or demanding (or dewomanding) anything here because I am not here to tell you what to do with your lane/life. I am here to try and help you think a bit more. At times, it may sound like I use the assertive/imperative command tone. At times, I can have a tendency of getting a little carried away or getting quite heated with some topics. I am a passionate individual with a fiery soul. I choose to talk and write as I see fit. I try to present myself as politely and pristinely as I can, but I am not close to perfect. In fact…
Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.
-Anonymous (from Lamb by Christopher Moore)
None of us walking this earth right now are perfect – not even the Dalai Lama, not even the Pope, and not even any President out there in the world. But do you know what? :)
We can each choose perfect moments – together, collectively, and apart, individually. Each and every one of us can look inward and learn from our own past imperfections.
I definitely digressed to a degree there, but I felt it was a noteworthy point to detail here. As far as effective guardrails are concerned, I choose to live my life from my lane as best as I can. I will mess up plenty along the way, but I choose to learn and improve from each and every one of those mistakes as best as I can. Therefore, I will start this list of guardrails with a bit of a question for you to ask yourself as an initial baseline of sorts:
0. When you wake up each morning (or whenever it is that you do wake up for all the second- and third-shift workers out there), please consider the following guardrails…
1. Today, as best as I can, will I choose to be impeccable1 with my word from my lane? “Word” encompasses what is spoken, written, everything. If you are not impeccable, then your word can overflow into another person’s lane. Ultimately, that overflow is on them to deal with as far as how to handle/react/respond to it, but we can still do better, right?
2. Today, as best as I can, will I choose to try and not take anything personally? Y’all, let me tell you – I think this guardrail is so hard or difficult to practice. Our ego loves to try and step in to mess this one up, and I hate when that happens. It takes a lot of work, and it is not easy. The best things do not typically come easily, though, do they? :) <3 so, while I do hate it, I am excited by the perspective shift here, and I love being able to work on it.
3. Today, as best as I can, will I choose to make fewer assumptions? There is a term out there that I am working on developing better personally – generous assumption. In my life and from my lane, I struggle to essentially extend the benefit of the doubt. I am a skeptical and questioning individual. I am not big on trust at the start. I have issues. I have so many issues, but I choose to not let them stop me or slow me down from still doing the best that I can do. I choose to work on curtailing my negative assumptions. I choose to work on only ever assuming positive intent if I have to assume anything at all. I would rather not assume, though. Instead, I would prefer to simply ask a bunch of questions for the rest of my life. I wonder if that is why we can often get upset by an overly-eager child who keeps asking a bunch of rapid-fire questions. Is our own inner child perhaps jealous? That child questions everything because they assume nothing. They follow #3 very well.
4. Today, as best as I can, will I do my absolute best? Will I give “it” my all from my lane, in a balanced, constructive, and healthy way? “It” is whatever your plans are for the day. Simple and small or grand and large, will you bring your best and know that is enough? To be abundantly clear here, this does not mean burning yourself out all the time. Some days, your best may be to simply slow down, sit back, and focus on some good ‘ol TLC2. That is A-OK, and it is perfectly acceptable. You are listening to your needs and doing the best that you can from and in your lane. It is the whole point that I am trying to convey. Your best each day, as you define it (and no one else should IMO), culminates over time. It collects and combines with each and every day that you keep working at it more. Your best will ebb and flow from day to day. Again, you know what your best is. No one else gets to tell you what it is. They may try to define it for you, but that is a boundary break. That is a lack of respect for guardrails that I feel are important to protect our own lanes. While others may attempt to step into your lane with these judgments or what not, it is still our choice as to whether or not we will take it personally (which segues back to #2).
So, now that we have covered guardrails here (and hopefully lanes previously), do any of these concepts resonate and/or sit well with you? Do you enjoy these metaphors for life? Ask yourself those questions, please, if you are willing to listen to me at all here and now. What about it do you like? What about it do you not like? Can you take any pieces of it and personalize them to best fit your current needs based on whatever it is that you are working through and wherever it is that you are at on this journey/path that we call life?