Have you ever wondered… about giving others the benefit of the doubt? I have. How sure are you that you are 100% right? Are you making any assumptions that could later be proven false? As a friendly reminder of the third guardrail, we should avoid assumptions. Maintain an open mind. Channel a constant curiosity. What if you are wrong with your current thought? What if they are trying their best and did not intend anything negative by how they acted or spoke? This is where the benefit of the doubt can begin to be very beneficial for us and our well-being. By extending generous assumptions (if we are going to assume at all), we can avoid fixing our minds on only one (often negative) outcome.
When someone is interpreting your behavior or actions without a spirit of openness, deescalate the conflict by saying, ‘I would appreciate it if you could be more generous with me.’ It really works and leads to conversation, not argument.
-Kate Fessler
This realization dawned on me recently when doing some inner work. Now, if I am going to have a negative thought about someone or something, then I am going to also work on always balancing it back out with a positive thought. If I am choosing to judge anything at all, then I am going to do so from multiple angles. I do not know the full story of anyone or anything beyond me, so it is only generous and fair to consider multiple possibilities.
Generosity consists not in the sum given, but in the manner in which it is bestowed.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Looking inward, how good are you at giving yourself the benefit of the doubt? Are you generous with your self-talk? Can you be kinder with your own narrative? I know how harsh and critical I can be with my self-judgments, so I am getting better at generously giving myself the benefit of the doubt more. After all, I know how hard I am working at being the best me that I can be, and I know how fully I am maximizing many of my days. As a result of this recognition, I can start easing off on some of the negativity that I had a bad habit of directing towards myself. As an adjustment, I can feel proud and positive of my gradual improvements while avoiding toxic pride that could corrupt the experience.
Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.
-Khalil Gibran
Give yourself the benefit of the doubt when you need to course correct your mindset. In addition, give others the benefit of the doubt more whenever you need to generously consider intent. We do not know it all. We will not know it all. Therefore, be generous.
Maybe it is wise. Maybe it is dumb. Time will tell. Stay wondrous, y’all.