I am thankful for great therapists, both licensed professionals and unofficial stand-ins. You could even be your own therapist at times if you can step back and objectively assess your situation from a neutral standpoint. It is not easy, but it can be a useful and valuable skill to hone since therapists and friends will not always be available for our every beck and call. A great therapist shows up with and provides proven listening skills, and they help get to the roots of problems. They may not always share the answers directly with you. However, their keen listening and gradual guidance can lead each of us to our own self-discovery and self-improvement over time. They help us tune in to our own feelings.
Listen to your emotions as they link your inner self with your mind.
-Dr. Sue Morter
Therapists help you better process and understand your emotions. First, are you feeling a primary emotion or a secondary emotion? I often initially think of my anger as primary only to find out later that it is secondary to fear. Therapists can prove very helpful here.
I can feel heavy and down after therapy because I spend so much time unpacking issues and problems. As time goes on, though, I eventually feel even better than before because I have let go of more of the past and built back the present even stronger. What felt like a lashing was more of a lesson. I feel lighter and more uplifted about potential futures now.
Failure is a greater teacher than success. Listen, learn, go on.
-Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Excellent therapists listen well. When they do speak, do you then listen well? We can learn from additional ideas and perspectives, and we can welcome differences of opinion and understanding. There is no one-size-fits-all answer or way to seeing the world or living life. Sure, there are guardrails that I believe we should all adhere to, but each lane can and should be wholly individualized. How else can we discover new information if we do not learn to listen well to everything all around us? Use your ears more effectively.
Listen. Just listen. You don’t have to agree. Just see if you can understand that there’s another person who has a completely different experience of the same reality.
-Esther Perel
Make sure you listen to your own feelings, too, without outside assistance. What if you do not feel like your current therapist is the best fit for you? Consider discussing it with them. It can be awkward, but it can also introduce positive change. Perhaps they can adjust in some way to better accommodate your preferences, or maybe they know of another therapist who will be an even better match for you. Listen, learn, and lead on.
Maybe it is wise. Maybe it is dumb. Time will tell.